Up until recently I had been single for four years. Actually, if we want to get technical I hadn’t even bothered with a genuine and sincere relationship since breaking up with my first boyfriend six years ago. Sure, there were boys here and there, a failed attempt at having a boyfriend and a major case of heart break, but overall I was just f*cked up, pissed off and holding on to resentment as if my life depended on it. I was guarded, a tough girl, unreachable and above all unattached. I thought I was being smart – but in reality this mentality led to some of the worst decisions of my life.
Any of this sound familiar yet?
It’s a common reaction the majority of the human population has when it comes to dating. We get hurt. We get scared. We manipulate. We control. All in an effort to save ourselves from getting hurt again. What ends up happening is quite the opposite – we only hurt ourselves even more.
Eventually I got the picture that the only person I was really hurting was myself. After a case of crippling heartbreak and an illness that forced me to take medical leave from school (blessing in disguise) I reflected on what I needed to do to heal. It didn’t take long for me to realize that what I really needed was to be single for a while – like really single. No escapades, no hook ups at the bar, no flings, no relationships, just time with me, myself and I. Yep, not only was I single, I was also celibate.
I didn’t know how long it would take for me to heal, but I was open to it. I knew I had issues I needed to work out if I were to ever have a fulfilling romantic relationship again. I knew I needed to learn to love myself before I could ever expect to love someone else. I knew I had to clean up my side of the street, get clear on what I wanted and get my shit together. After all, true happiness doesn’t come from a romantic relationship, it comes from ourselves.
During my four year stint as a single and celibate gal I learned quite a few things. I learned how to start making extra money, I discovered my passion for personal development, I started this amazing blog, I got my first job out of college and I fell in love with yoga. Most of all, I started learning everything I could about positive psychology and self-love. Don’t get me wrong, you can totally do all this stuff while being in a healthy relationship, but since my issue revolved around relationships I knew there was no way I could dedicate the time I needed to get my shit together had I been in one.
So for those of you who are single and maybe have been for a while, don’t fret. There are some really beautiful things that can come from being single – in particular developing a relationship with yourself.
4 Reasons You Should Be Happy You’re Single
1. You can take the time to get to know yourself.
How many of us really know who we are outside of relationships or job titles? Unfortunately, not many.
Being single gives you the opportunity to really get to know all sides of authentic self. It gives you an opportunity to really get honest about what you want and who you are without worrying about what someone else might say.
2. The door is wide open for opportunity.
You’re single! You don’t have a significant other to worry about so do what you want! Want to take up kickboxing? Do it. Want to start a business? Do it. Want to go live abroad? Do it.
You’ve got an incredible opportunity to explore without any attachments. Enjoy it to the fullest and when you’re ready to settle down the Universe will pave the way.
3. Perfect time to straighten out your money!
It’s so much easier to figure out your money situation when you’re single! Take advantage of the time and really set yourself up for financial success. After all, finances are the number one reason why so many couples separate, so it’s better to sort it all out BEFORE you’re in a relationship.
4. An open invitation to practice self-love.
The invitation to practice self-love is always available, but unfortunately many people lose sight of that once they are in a relationship. In fact, what usually happens is they lose themselves in the other person causing friction, a need to control and a lost sense of self. This isn’t totally our faults, we live in a society that states our happily ever after is found through loving another person outside of ourselves and then having that love reciprocated. What ensues is a recipe for co-dependant disaster.
Being single gives you the perfect opportunity to practice self-love without any distractions. Take advantage of this time to stay committed to a relationship with yourself.
As you can see being single has a lot of advantages. Once you clean up your side of the street you’ll live authentically and be truly happy – from the inside out. Take the time to explore, love yourself and get clear about what you want. It will make a world of difference the next time you find yourself in a relationship.